Worry Less

What is Worry?

Worry is thinking over and over that something you fear might happen.

• Are you concerned you worry too much?
  
  
• Do other people tell you that you worry too much?
  
  
• Do you wonder why others don’t seem to worry enough about things?
  
  
• Do your worries get in the way of schoolwork or having fun?
  
  
• Have you tried to limit your worrying?
  
  
• How often do your worries overwhelm you?
  
  
• Have you found yourself worrying even when things are going well?
  
  
• Do you find yourself going over the same worries again and again?
  
  
• How often do you have trouble getting to sleep because it’s difficult to shut the worries off?
  
  
• Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and find your head “working” the worries again?
  
  
• Have you noticed that once you finish a task or deal with a situation, there is something new to worry about?

While you won’t get a worry score, if you’ve answered “yes” or “often” to several of these questions, it might be time to work on your worrying.

• Being out of control.
• Being unable to cope.
• Failing.
• Being rejected or abandoned.
• Getting sick or dying.

Often worries focus on a fear of being evaluated negatively by others. This might be in a social situation or in a performance setting. Others worry more about things going wrong at home, school, work, family, and friends.

Often, there is a genetic component - an inherited propensity towards worry. Difficult life experiences can also contribute to a tendency to worry. And worry can worsen in stressful situations that touch basic fears such as increased demand for performance, conflict in relationships, physical illness, or an event/circumstance that increases your perception of danger or threat in your environment.

If you tend to worry, you know the downsides - trouble sleeping, sore muscles, headaches, digestive upset, fatigue and frustration. You might believe that, despite the costs, there are some benefits to worrying. This is true when worry alerts you to a problem that needs your attention. When an undesired event is likely, you have the opportunity to take action and try to change an outcome. Even when you can’t influence what happens, at least you can prepare for the event.

Familiar, repetitive worries aren’t so constructive. Chronic worry sends the same signals as helpful worry (gets your attention and probably increases your heart rate), but does so in the absence of real danger (e.g., when the feared event is unlikely).

De-bunking the myths of chronic worry is one way to lessen its power.

Myth: Worry motivates me, makes me work harder.

Fact: Imagine you are preparing for an exam with these thoughts running through your head: “I have to get a good mark in this exam. But I don’t get all the material. If I fail, my prof will think I’m an idiot and I’ll blow my chances of getting into an Honours Program. I have to get this right! What if I can’t do it?” Are you ready to settle in and focus? Or do you need to visit the fridge or call a friend to calm down a bit? Rather than improve focus, effort, and determination, worry is much more likely to create a level of discomfort that makes clear thinking almost impossible.

Myth: Worrying about a situation helps work it out.

Fact: If worry leads to problem-solving about a situation that you have some control over, then worry is working for you. Unhelpful worry, however, generates fears, not solutions. Next time you catch yourself worrying, step back and decide whether or not you are doing meaningful work or just going over and over a “what if.”

Myth: Worrying keeps terrible things from happening.

Fact: Sometimes worrying can take on a superstitious quality, providing a pseudo-sense of control in a situation where you may not really have any (e.g., “If I worry about my boyfriend getting into a car accident on the drive home it will keep him safe”). Worry can also become a familiar pattern - something you automatically do in a situation because it feels “normal” (e.g., “I always worry when I study”) Worry can masterfully feed you a steady stream of fear and “what if” that distract and debilitate, while stealing your energy for more productive activities. But its power fades when you step back and examine it.

1. Take Charge - Letting your worries go is the opposite of what we normally do. Usually we react to our worries and let them play havoc with us. Letting your worries go means not engaging with them or reacting to them, just letting them pass.
   
   
2. Be Present - Being present means paying attention to what you are experiencing in the moment. Try it. Notice your body sensations as you are sitting or standing. Focusing on the present allows you to let your worries go and be more aware of what is going on inside your head. This is an exercise that you need to keep practicing until it becomes natural…as natural as worrying used to be.
   
   
3. Learn How to Relax - When we are worried we often experience unpleasant physical sensations. Worrying stimulates your sympathetic nervous system causing an increased heart rate, muscle tension, and rapid and shallow breathing, which all contribute to your experience of anxiousness. Relaxation can help reduce these sensations and help you feel calmer and more relaxed.
   
   
4. Exercise - Regular exercise alters levels of a brain chemical called serotonin, which leads to improved mood. Regular exercise can also help to reduce adrenaline, promoting a more relaxed body and mind.

Try a Breathing Box

Slowing down your breathing will help your mind to relax and reduce your anxiety. Choose any square object (e.g., a window), and use it as your breathing box. Starting in the bottom left, inhale through your nose as your eyes move up the box. Hold your breath as your eyes move along the box, and then exhale as you move your eyes down the box.

For most people, seeking a balance between the emotional, mental, physical, social, and spiritual elements of life leaves them happier, more fulfilled, and better prepared to meet life’s challenges.

There is not a correct formula to guide how much of one’s time and energy is best devoted to each aspect. What “balance” looks like is unique to each individual. In general, however, too much investment in one or two areas, to the exclusion of the others, spells trouble.

We live in a fast-paced and complex world that generally values increased productivity and advancement. All around are pressures to strive for goals and “succeed.”

• Our society often creates role expectationsfor men regarding work (e.g., that men must be “providers” and “climb the ladder”). Gender role socialization for women (who work inside and/or outside of the home) includes messages about disregarding their own needs and goals in favor of others’.
• For some, the pressure to succeed may also be internal or self-imposed(e.g., the result of a personal belief system about how hard one “should” work or what ideals one “should” strive for).
• Others receive direct (and sometimes unsupportive) messages from family or friendsabout the value of particular goals and interests. 

With a lack of balance in life, stress is the most common result. While stress is necessary for normal human functioning, stress that is too intense or prolonged can be destructive. Frequent or long-term problems with stress can have serious effects on your emotional and physical health. Do not ignore the signs of stress and burnout! 

What Strategies Can I Use to Achieve More Balance in My Life?

Many people find the following strategies helpful in maintaining a sense of balance:

• Spend some time evaluating how you devote your energies. Are there areas of your life that receive very little of your attention? Would you like to redistribute how you spend your time? Your goal is to begin to make decisions about what aspects of life are most important (e.g., physical health, spirituality), set some goals, and divide your attention between the elements of life that you value most.
• Remember that achieving balance is a life-long project. As we change and grow, and life changes around us, we are wise to remain open to shifting our focus, priorities, and goals. Balance in one phase of life may not be in another.
• Remain aware of personal transitions.Transitions (e.g., starting University, getting married) can leave you more vulnerable to losing balance in your life; these are the times when you most need to maintain balance. 
• Take care of your physical health.Try to eat nutritious meals, reduce your caffeine intake, exercise moderately, get enough rest, and stop smoking. 
• Make time for pleasant activities. Develop a hobby, see a movie, listen to music, or read a favorite book.
• Examine your stressors. Ask yourself whether or not you have control over a problem. Take action when you can. If you don’t have control over a problem, try not to assume responsibility for solving it. When you stop worrying about problems beyond your control you’ll have more energy.
• Enhance your problem-solving skills. Set realistic goals and work toward them step-by-step. Prioritize. Deal with issues as they arise. Pace yourself. Look for choices. Ask for help when you need it.
• Maintain supportive relationships. Don’t neglect your friends, family members, social club, church attendance, etc.
• Practice a specific relaxation technique. Techniques such as meditation, positive imagery, or slow abdominal breathing promote relaxation.
• Maintain your sense of humor.
• Develop assertiveness skills. Try to take more responsibility for attending to your own needs. Learning to delegate and to say “no” are important steps in reducing your level of stress and maintaining balance.
• Make adjustments as needed. Remember that it is impossible to have a completely balanced life all of the time. Stay aware of how you are doing and make adjustments as need be.
• Seek professional assistance if needed. If mental health difficulties (e.g., substance abuse, depression, anxiety) are interfering with your ability to achieve balance in your life seek professional asssistance.

Signs of Trouble

A lack of balance in life generally occurs when an individual focuses too many personal resources (e.g., time, energy, money) on one or two goals to the exclusion of other important aspects of life. For example, an individual may over-focus on social relationships to the detriment of academic responsibilities.

Some Common Signs of a Lack of Balance in One’s Life

• Lack of exercise.
• Inability to say “no.”
• Poor diet.
• Avoiding asking for help.
• Persistent fatigue.
• Lack of contact with friends.
• Using drugs or alcohol to cope.
• Struggling to feel a sense of peace.
• Being over-scheduled.
• “No time to think.”
• Intense focus on a single goal.
• Chronic sense of emptiness.
• Drive for perfection.
• No time to be alone.
• Work to the exclusion of leisure.
• Persistently feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
• Difficulty expressing joy, sadness, anger.
• Constantly rushing.
• Low energy.
• Lack of enthusiasm.
• Performing below potential in key areas.

Loved ones express concern.

• Student Wellness Centre
• Drop-in Peer Support
• Managing Stress